Eulogy of Nathan the Nailer
Hello, my name is Henric, I’m a rubber air hose, and I was Nate’s best friend. Today we mourn Nathan the Nail Gun. Nathan, or Nate to his friends, was a great pneumatic roofing nailer who helped many a roof stay put. He lived fast and shot faster. But eventually all that hard living caught up to him and he jammed up for the last time. Some say that he didn’t get enough pneumatic tool oil, some say that people set their regulated pressure to too high a PSI.
Me, I think he had just shot all the nails he was gonna shoot. Nathan didn’t have a lot of close friends, perhaps because many thought him too loud and abrupt. But with the right ear protection, you could hear what he really was trying to say, “Stay together. Be attached.” Nate was no Buddist. He believed firmly in the idea of attachment to all things. Nathan is survived by his brother Navid the siding nailer and Nancy the flooring nailer. Our hearts and our fasteners go out to you. Nate, we will remember you for your generosity of nail and your wisdom of word, even if it was too loud. Nathan once said “we pneumatics are the only guns built to create instead of destroy.” Well, our sweet tool, may you hold together the clouds of heaven.